SPEECH #5

SPEECH #5: Battling Loneliness

With grief and the subsequent social changes that have entered my life, I have found myself often feeling lonely. This overwhelming feeling of loneliness consumes me at times—when traveling alone to places or when I am sitting alone in my bedroom. It sparks a tear in me, as I begin to riddle myself with the fear of not being protected or looked out for by anyone. I constantly engage in a tussle with myself and the anxious feelings of wondering: Who is really in my corner?

As I get support from family and friends and pray, I am able to subdue these emotions. Unfortunately, the spontaneous recurrence of them seems hard to evade.

One day, when I was on my way to work, a lady that I was on the bus with stopped me as we got off. She told me that she noticed the back of my coat had some dry stains on it. She put down her bags, proceeded to get a wet wipe out of her purse, and wiped the back of my coat. I was in utter shock and completely in awe of how sweet she was and what she offered to do.

As she was cleaning the back of my coat, she told me that when I got to work, I could try to do the rest because she wasn’t able to get everything. At a loss for words, the only thing I could do was hug her and tell her, “Thank you so much.” She told me that she lives on the second floor of the condo across from where I work and sees me going to work every day. She admired how consistent and hardworking I was. Before she walked home, I told her again, “Thank you.”

Before she got my attention off the bus, I had started to feel lonely again—and I was emotional. I was amazed and moved by her motherly touch and the assistance she provided me. It made me feel seen, completely distracting me from the loneliness I was feeling. I went into work feeling happy instead of off.

Why was it that I met her then? What made her want to help me with something I wasn’t even aware of? Was it my mom reminding me that she’s watching and sees my pain? I couldn’t tell. I couldn’t make sense of it. But I never forgot it.

I’m staying more on track with how I feel. I’m continuing to work on my emotions as they come and acknowledge them for what they are. Instead of trying to brush them away, I investigate them—and most importantly, I make room for them.